Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich - Edward’s Belt

“Lord Wumianzhe. Please lend me some money! As long as you are willing to lend me money, I was willing to do anything!”

The young lady’s face was blushing furiously red while her eyes were full of tears and desire. I was a little dumbfounded.

Just when I was about to head out, Victoria pulled onto my robe, refusing to let go whatsoever, saying that she wanted to borrow money from me to buy some belt.

“That… Lord, we just got information that there will be a unique item at the auction this time called Edward’s Belt. If possible, I would also like to request this of you. For this, you can deduct my wages. I am still young and I can still work another 200 years under you.”

Diana, who had been avoiding me recently, gathered up her courage and tried to request for financial support from me for the happiness of her brother. She was even willing to sign a servant contract for a few hundred years for it.

After Elisa removed dozens of curses from Victoria’s body, including a Shaman’s Dark Arts, Victoria lived with her sister. However, perhaps due to hearing too many rumours about me, she was a little frightened and always stayed out of my path. Even if we met by the hallways, she would tiptoe away, as though I was carnivorous.

“Lord!! If only you are willing to buy that belt for me, I… I am willing to give everything up and use the techniques I used on serving my father to please you. I know that you like boys! Last time, you rejected my service because of that. But, you should be happy since I had a chance to turn back into a male right! I will make you happy.”

“Victoria!!” Her sister Diana stared in shock at her little sister. She didn’t expect that concealed under Victoria’s cheerful normal look was such pain and sorrow. For the opportunity to turn back into a male, she was willing to sacrifice so much.

“Big Sister, say no more. There is only one Edward’s Belt in the world. If I were to miss this opportunity, I would have to live on as a woman for the rest of my life. As long as I can turn back, it’s not a big deal having to sacrifice my physical body to serve the demons!!”

The female Elf’s face showed her determination. For her goal, she was willing to even sacrifice her body to serve the demons. This reminded me of some heroic revolutionaries…

“Cough, then, as a ‘demon’ (With a heavy emphasis on the word), can you tell what happened?”

The two Elves were trembling in fear. Under my pressure, they quickly explained the case to me.

Edward’s Belt, also known as the Belt of Edwina, was an Epic-class unique item that was cursed. Its only use was that it was able to completely change the user’s sex. Furthermore, when equipped, it couldn’t be removed by the user for the rest of his life.

Due to its bizarre effects, all of the people who accidentally put it on would not reveal it, otherwise being laughed at by other people was still a small matter. If someone were to hunt you down and kill you for the item, that would be too much of a tragedy.

This time, in order to protect his dignity as an Underground City Lord, the old Lion had used the entirety of his influence to look for precious treasures that could help build up the momentum for the Eternal Night Scepter during the auction.

A certain subordinate Underground City Lord of the Lion King who had unique tastes killed the love of his love to hand the Belt of Edwina over to him.

There was no such thing as a true secret in this world, the news that the belt was to be auctioned had been revealed long ago. To normal people, this precious treasure could be their worst nightmare but to Victoria, it was her only straw of hope.

“Lord, I’m begging you. I’ve had enough of the empty feeling below when I wake up. Also, the eyes that those guys look at me with seem like they wish to gobble me up in one mouthful. This’s too hard to bear. Whenever I think of it, my goosebumps start rising up… Also, the time which comes once a month, to a man, it’s no different from a living nightmare!!”

Looking for this lady who was sobbing pitifully while crying about the nightmares of a male, I somehow felt that it was a little amusing. In this moment, for the sake of Wumianzhe’s image, I could only try my best to suppress my laughter so as to not be disrespectful… But, I suddenly remembered the promises she had just made.

“Wait! You mean that the reason why I rejected you last time was because your physical body was a female? You even said that you would be willing to serve me when you turned back into a male? That’s to say, you think that I’m gay?!?!”

There’s no man who could pretend that they didn’t hear such a rumour about themselves. Thus, my blood boiled and I immediately questioned her.

“Who said it?! Who is the one to fabricate these rumours?! I will make them suffer!!”

“But, all of the big sisters in the team said so. Isn’t your lover City Lord Adam? Also isn’t the reason why the both of you haven’t married for more than a century because you both have each other? Although I’m still young so I don’t really understand, this hundred years of twisted love makes one really feel touched. Big sisters even had novels and drawings with both of you as the models… Wuuuuu, big sister, why are you covering my mouth.”

“Hehe, Lord, I’m sorry, it was all the random ramblings of those below. There aren’t many people who know about the secret between you and Lord Adam. We will help in keeping it secret, so rest easy!!” Covering the mouth of her little sister who had spilled the massive news, Diana nodded her head in sympathy.

At this moment, 10 thousand mud horses (Cao Ni Ma) ran through my mind and I could hear the rumbling of lightning by my ear.

“Lord Roland is already a Lich, so his love with City Lord would be even tougher… Ah, I really want to reveal these details to those artists. Their drawings are too conservative, too outdated. It’ a life and death ** same-sex love, so beautiful!! No, Diana, you must control yourself. You mustn’t reveal Lord Wumianzhe’s secret because of your own desires.”

If I had known the thoughts of this seemingly serious and proper female knight, I would have killed her with a single strike of my hammer or find a pillar to knock my head with on the spot.

“WHO. SAID. IT!? WHO IS THE ONE WHO SPREAD IT FIRST?!” If a rumour spread to a point where there was even a book on it, I found it hard to believe if there’s no mastermind behind it.

“Lord… Lord Silver Rose. It has already been 15 years… Everyone thought that it was true. The drawings already have more than 100 versions, so everyone thought you had acknowledged them.”

In that instant, my rage suddenly cools down. I was speechless.

“Elisa!! Fifteen years ago? Wasn’t it around the time when I asked her to spread rumours about Adam?”

I felt like raging but yet, I found the situation quite hilarious. Back then, didn’t I order her to spread rumours about Adam so that he wouldn’t be able to find a girlfriend? As usual, looks like I managed to shoot my own foot again.

Back then, I was even surprised by how the rumours were so effective. Looks like, the content of the rumours had secretly been changed by the cunning Elisa. How could a man whose sexuality was said to be twisted be liked by women? No wonder all of the men and women trembled in front of Wumianzhe after the incident.

“As I expected. Elisa, the reason why I’m unpopular and why I can’t find a girlfriend, no matter how I think about it, it’s your fault!!”

In the past, whenever I said such words, there was bound to be an icy-cold voice who retorted coldly to my comments.

“No, the reason is because your brain had been dunked in water/ Do you need me to give you a mirror?/Wanting to date even though you are an undead, hehe.”

Fine, even if she wasn’t here now, I was used to adding her venomous comments in my head.

At this moment, the venomous-tongued lady, who was used to hiding in my shadows, was currently lying quietly in her own room, unconscious. Thinking about this reality which made one feel helpless, rage rose up from within and the next moment, it disappeared.

A feeling of weakness spreads through my body. I weakly waved my hand in denial.

“I am not gay. Help me explain the matter properly and confiscate those messy things, then I shall help you get that belt.”

After hearing my reply, the two Dark Elves were so happy that tears started flowing down. Hugging together, they nodded their head. But, behind the walls, a bunch of men jumped out and frantically waved their hands and shook their heads. There was even a thief who used the the sign language usually used for reconnaissance.

“Un… ‘Don’t agree’ Now why was that?”

Looking carefully, some of them were rookies from the Hall of Legislation, some of them were judges from the Hall of Judgement. There were elderly and the young, the only common point was that they were all male and that they were wearing the same badge with the same logo on it.

“Victoria Fan Club No. 1 Fan!” Alright, I roughly get it.

“Men and women are actually the equal, only small Vicadore is superior.” This may seem a little twisted and he was the only person there who was nodding and shaking his head at the same time. Apparently, he was stuck in a dilemma…

“Long live Queen Victoria!!” Hey, this fellow actually managed to hit bulls-eye on the truth of history, he may have talent as a seer.

I understood that the news must have leaked somehow, that’s why these fellows were rushing here to prevent Victoria from turning back into a man.

Facing the agitated guys, I flashed a faint smile and signal out a few hand signals myself.

On the other side, the Dwarf who was well-versed in the Thief’s sign language was deciphering my message word by to word to his companions.

“You all can go and die for all I care. Tomorrow, all of you submit a 10 000-word essay up for me to check! The topic is a discussion on normal core values! If any bastard dares to not submit their essay, they will be sent to feed Beifeng.”

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“As long as it has not been revealed, then schemes and sins are non-existent.” This was a well-known saying among the Dark Elves. Lorci encouraged her daughter to slaughter each other and in the end, the strongest and most cunning one would ascend to the throne. The ranking of each family in each city, even if it represented the highest glory and status, but it was also a target to assassinate.

From a certain perspective, the rules of the game the Spider Queen played with the Dark Elves were also the rules of the entire Underground World. Even though I knew that the Dragon Queen and Lion King pulled one over me, but I was unable to confront them head-on for revenge.

During the duration of the Conference, all acts of war were banned. Those who broke this rule would become the public enemy of everyone else… But if I couldn’t exact vengeance openly, couldn’t I do it discreetly?

During the Conference, we offended quite a few underground city lords. In the Underground World, there was no such thing as repaying hostility with kindness. If you were unable to get back at the opposing party, others would just view you as weak, and weakness was a cardinal sin in this world. Those underground city lords didn’t know the meaning of offering a helping hand in times of crisis is. On the contrary, they were more likely to split your corpse among them.

I threw the Scepter to them, obviously trying to land the other in trouble. Now that the other party had exacted vengeance through the Undead Lords, all of the underground city lords would probably be keeping tabs on the happenings and treat it as the crossing of blades between the new and old Autarchs.

So, I had to repay them back, and I was going to repay them back with heavy interests. The repayment had to be in line with the rules, making the other party feel actual pain without a trace of bloodshed.

In reality, my head hurt a little. Going by logic, the closer we approached the date of the auction, the greater the stress on the Lion King would be. Undead Lords weren’t easy to deal with, so sitting by the side to view the fight between the two would be the best course of action. Then, at the end of their battle, I would add insult to injury. This was much better than to challenge the old Lion King as the new generation.

But, if I were to do nothing, not only would I be belittled by others, I also couldn’t take this lying down.

Victoria’s request had provided me inspiration for my revenge plot.

Purchasing the belt? From the very start, it was an impossible task. Firstly, we accidentally offended all of the underground city lords. If we were to express the intent to buy anything, those underground city lords, who didn’t have us in their high regard, in order to get back at us, they would surely be willing to dump all their money in. Even if no one stood up and put their money in, those Underground Autarchs also wouldn’t let us succeed.

Since we were unable to buy it, then we might as well steal it. Of course, due to the matter with Eternal Night Scepter, the auction would definitely be on their guard and the defence would be tight. But, wasn’t the world’s number 1 thief — ‘Child of Greed’ in my hands?

No matter how tight a defence was, it was targeted towards humanoid living creatures. Even safes and cages wouldn’t be able to keep out a liquid-like living thing with the ability to morph its shape freely.

The main body of Greed in the underground tunnel had died, as I expected, but this didn’t mean all of the ‘Child of Greed’ would simply die off. A portion of the ‘Child of Greed’ had been taken by the Druids of the Wild Bull Alliance and treated as their ‘sacred object’. The animal alliance member who was drafting in others to spend their life together, that Beifeng, also caught one of them to make it his pet. He used his abilities as a Beastman Hunter to keep them alive… I already couldn’t imagine what he would breed them into and what would happen after returning to Sulfur Mountain City.

“As I expected, I must dump this bunch of perverts here and let them fend for themselves.”

But now, I felt a bit thankful to these perverts. Otherwise, I would have to open the bottle of the main body of Greed which had been topped up while under the pressure of knowing what was going to happen… If I accidentally went too far, un, based on my understanding of myself, there was an 80% chance that I would go too far, and it would result in a shirtless city, Elisa would kill me as soon as she woke up.

I should borrow the animal companion of a Druid and undergo Mental Resonance with this mysterious slime who was half-dead half-alive… Why don’t I borrow from Hunter Beifeng? Mental Resonance will instinctively cause one to share the physical memories. I don’t wish to know a single thing about what the world’s strongest pervert had done.

Due to the trap I laid, the auction and the Lion King’s Residence were now history. Now, the Lion King and his family treasures should be with the Dragon Queen.

Thus, I brought the little thing to the entrance of the temporary residence of the Dragon Queen and put it down, letting it navigate through the underground works…

Fine, let’s ignore the waterway’s horrid smell, as though as a salted fish had been placed for 30 months, ignore the pitch-black residents of the waterway and ignore once again the projects between several guards that involve the pitting of intelligence and courage. After much trouble, I finally reached my destination.

It was an extremely big treasure vault. A gigantic dragon slept at the entrance of the vault and the dragon was actually the Dragon Queen herself. Looks like they had had enough of the endless thieves and burglars these days.

Squeezing in from the vent, its interior actually had a wooden fence that served as a blockade against the Child of Greed. But, with my direct control, this back door I had created was only an instinctive fear towards it, how could it be able to stop me. After carefully creeping past several traps, I entered the core of the vault.

Numerous auction items were placed together. There was a capacity limit to a Slime’s body, so only a few items could be taken away. The first one that I should give up on was the Eternal Night Scepter that was placed at the center of the treasure vault.

Hmph, almost the same as my handicraft. Just that there wasn’t any soul feedback, I knew that it was fake.

Looks like the Underground Autarchs weren’t fools. There were only fakes within the treasure vault that the Dragon Queen was guarding. At the same time, I could sense that the real Scepter was still in the custody of the Lion King.

“The Key to the Water Elemental Dimension? Titan Core? Hehe, I really struck it rich this time.”

Being excessively greedy wasn’t a good thing. After taking away the few most valuable items and the belt, I started on my journey back.

But, on the way, just outside the vent, I could hear the discussion between the Lion King and a certain person.

“You must protect the Scepter properly. If you screw this up, Lion, death isn’t the end. Your soul will be crying in agony in the Count’s lantern for eternity!”

“Yes, lord. Please tell the Count that I will complete the mission.”

A Count that could actually make an Underground Autarch act so meek? It should be a Demon Count. Listening to him mentioning a Soul Lantern, a familiar name appeared in the depths of my brain.

“Demon Count, Soul Eater Kakajil.” Just when I wanted to inch closer to listen in, the voice suddenly turned deep and hard to interpret. They must be talking about some secret, so they faded out their voices using magic.

But, for a Slime, they don’t listen with their ears, just the fixed tremor from the sound waves was sufficient.

“…Dimension Gate will open… The army of the Count will drown everything”

“Sulfur Mountain City… Ancient Fire Elemental God… Traitor.”

Apparently, from the look of these key phrases, the Lion King and the Demon had yet to give up. They seemed to be plotting something, but it was a pity that something was interfering with my eavesdropping, causing the intelligence I got to be scattered.

Then, to prevent getting noticed by Detection Magic, I removed my control from the Child of Greed, allowing it to come back through the underground works by itself… Fine, I admit that it was mainly that spell and the black thing that made on nauseated.

Surprisingly, on the way back to the base, I felt that while it was climbing out of the underground waterworks, someone attacked it and it died.

“Looks like someone thought that it was an Assassin and killed it. Oh well, seeing the reaction from my Power of Law, it should be a comrade from the Hall of Judgement. I shall ask them about it tomorrow to retrieve my items.”

Considering that it was already 4 in the morning, I etched the location where I lost connection with the Slime in my head and made up my mind to retrieve those items when day breaks.

The next morning, before daybreak, a high-pitched female scream caused the entire mansion to wake up earlier.

“…This sound, seems like it was Krose… Wait, Krose! The #1 beauty of the judicial system!!”

The place where the disturbance was at seemed to be Krose’s bedroom.

I stare speechlessly at the blue sky. From my experience with misfortune, it seemed that something had gone wrong again…

As expected, when I took out my Dwarf binoculars, what I saw was a young lady running around in tears. Along with the long pants for the male uniform, there was a brand-new belt. As for the upper body, there was a bloat in her shirt around the chest, the plump mountains couldn’t be covered even with both of her arms. The face of the beauty was surprisingly similar with Krose’s.

“Looks like the #1 beautiful person turned into #1 beautiful lady. Can I feign ignorance over this matter? Right, prepare a file tomorrow. First, ban the Victoria Fan Club. Then ban the ‘Krose Fan Club’ which has an 80% chance of appearing. Un, I was a good person. These misfortunes really weren’t related to me in any case.

1. Literally means sending charcoal in the middle of winter
2. litterally multiple wolves splitting your corpse, meaning that they will divide your property among themselves after you’re dead