Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich - Lisa

When I finally left the City Lord Residence, it was already quite late but I really didn’t feel like returning to the Watch Room.

Watch Room? Yes, Lich Roland was still supposed to be under for causing that huge chaos and I merely snuck out.

The planning of a group nude run may not have technically broken any of the laws so it couldn’t be considered a crime, but locking anyone involved in it for 3 to 5 days giving them time to reflect over their actions was a must.

I had summoned a skeleton to put on my usual accessories, clothes and cast some magic on him to fake a Lich that was sleeping while I ran out myself. Were it any other day, I would have to rush back to not get noticed.

After all, Dark Elves were sensitive to magic and it wouldn’t be too hard for them to notice the difference while patrolling. But right now, they didn’t have the time to bother with that obedient Lich at the corner.

The reason? That was because they were busy, extremely busy… To tell the whole story, I should start from where my sin began. The month long ban on engineering.

From the perspective of purifying Sulfur Mountain City’s culture, the effects of the ban could be described as perfect. After the Dwarves and Goblins, those damned living time bombs, had been sent to the Watch Room, the crime rate of the entire Sulfur Mountain City and the cases reported had gone down by 3% instantly. There hadn’t been even a single explosion last night.

But, after the Town Security Knights had delightedly enjoyed a peaceful night, they soon realized that it was, in fact, the start of a nightmare.

What was more dangerous than a single troublemaker? It was when multiple troublemakers came together. As the many engineers in the Watch Room started to unite, quickly the flag for the first ‘Sulfur Mountain City Engineering Conference’ had been hailed. Even the worldly-experienced me and my companions had been shocked.

The goblin Engineers shared their experiences of exploding bombs and said bombs exploding on them, while the dwarves were talking about all kinds of different viewpoints and boasted about their techniques… Alright, so they were mainly different kinds of suicide methods. What’s more was that despite being thoroughly body checked and supposedly clean, in the intense boredom, the Dwarves and the Goblins were vehemently discussing about the potential product of the combination of these two types of engineering…

Initially, I had been merrily inciting the flames from my cell… “We could create a Goblin Shredder that is as big as a mountain. With just a chainsaw, it will be able to cut down the Ancient War Trees of High Elves. Impossible? Will it be extremely heavy? Child, why are you so lacking in imagination? You forgot that there is not only ONE master here. If we were to use the Dwarf’s electrical conduit and pressure regulators, not only will it NOT be too heavy, it also won’t explode too fast.”

“We could create a gigantic fire-spitting dragon machine, then colour its head red. Like this, it will be 3 times faster.”

“We could create a head that will continuously rotate, a screw saucer. We could use it to drill all the way to the surface. This way, we won’t have to pay the fee for passing through the underground city guarding the route to the surface.”

But very quickly, I realized that the situation was getting out of hand. Their motivation was simply too strong. Once had I mentioned the idea of combining their techniques and the new aspects that could be researched by this, they were so euphoric in their discussion, they actually started to work on it.

“No fire source? My shoe is a flint, capable of creating sparks by knocking it on the surface.”

“No spare parts? Hehe, my little brother Yingou was a part-time Fire Mage in the past, what does melting a few metal poles count to him.”

“No gunpowder? Hehe, I am a Double Master in both goblin Alchemy and goblin Engineering. Come, pick up that soap for me… No, I’m not a gay, I only want to use that soap and the animal fats in your lunch as ingredients. Look at how I handmade glyceryl trinitrate!! This is the ultimate skill that I learnt from Sealman in the South Roz. After getting hold of this secret recipe, my mum never had to worry about my machine lacking fuel anymore.”

“No fuse, catalyst and winder? Wait, let me strip… Hey. I REALLY am not gay. Look, these clothes have been soaked in liquid hexogen, they could explode if I were to casually tear a cloth out. (The goblins beside him looked at him in respect, the meaning being ‘You really are a role model for the goblin’s research spirit. You actually dare to wear this kind of thing on your body’). By putting together these buttons, it forms the most basic equipment tool set. There is even wrench, chisel and vise. You want it? I’m not selling it. This was the birthday present that the smart Lich gave me. It is the symbol of our friendship!! …If you really want it that much, it’s not like I can’t part with it. It costs just a measly 30000 gold coin!”

Touching his hairless chin proudly, the weather-beaten Jinya Beyar smiled at me and gave me a thumbs-up.

Looking at the Beyar brothers, who, using their superior skills, vaguely became the de-facto leader of the crowd, watching how they passionately plucked out the metal poles and melted them to make spare parts, using soap and animal fats to create explosive, I felt so regretful that my intestines were turning blue. Un, that’s if I still had intestines.

…I swear that when I get out, I will find a reason to throw all of you back in again. The crime? Unless I am mistaken, if they are to continue on this path, there will be one in just a short while.

Fine, in order to not witness the Watch Room, which had been built by taxes of the citizens get blasted to the sky, and more importantly, to not be one amongst those geting blasted into the sky, I decisively called for support.

“Elisa, go and report to the Town Security Headquarters. Say that the bunch of goblins in the Watch Room are creating a gigantic bomb that could destroy the entire city!”

Alright, what was left was easy. Once the Town Security arrived, they would suppress this bunch of lawless engineers with the guards of the Watch Room…

Alas this was only the beginning… Once the fire for the pursuit of knowledge had been ignited, it could never be extinguished — Goblin Master Engineer Jinya Beyar did not seem to have given up.

They only changed their surface collaboration into an underground collusion. All kinds of engineering blueprints were flying around like underground intelligence, with just their decisive stares, they managed to transfer information…

Furthermore, the idea of the ‘Sulfur Mountain City Master Engineer Collaboration Project’ had somehow spread to the outside. Afterwards, many engineer masters from the outside began to stir up trouble just for the chance to join this ‘Grand Meeting’, and they were even willing to offer up their precious spare parts as an entrance fee.

The final result was that as soon as the guards turned around, clink clank clink clank, they started to get to work but the moment the guard’s eyes were back on them, they started to whistle and act innocent.

Helpless, the Town Security could only gather all their force to keep a close watch over them, stop their actions. Naturally, the other criminals would then have it easy and I also had taken this opportunity to sneak out to see Annie.

Cough, end of the recollection. Right now, the Watch Room was like the entrance to a volcano, ready to cause a ruckus at any time. Un, the word ruckus, perhaps, it would be more appropriate to swap it with explode.

A gentleman won’t station himself under an unsteady wall. Besides, I never considered myself a gentleman who abided by morals and ethics, and even more so, wouldn’t take the initiative to enjoy an explosion from the front row.

“Instead before they get out of control and things start exploding, I better go somewhere else to spend my time. Un, let’s go visit Little Red.”

But unexpectedly, I received the news from her underlings that she wasn’t at home.

Hehe, she suffered the greatest indignant loss in her entire life this time, she had to be fuming. Right now, if she wasn’t looking for someone to fight with, she could only be there!

As expected, when I arrived at the Central District’s biggest Bar, Fiery Red Rose, just as I walked into the room we often frequented, I could hear a familiar voice coming from within.

“Roland, accompany me for a drink!”

“Oh my, changing into human form and drinking so gloomily by yourself? Alcohol isn’t good for wounds.”

Yes, not any different from an unmanageable teenage girl, Little Red, who could also be said to be in her rebellious phase, favorite hobby was drinking and fighting. Since there weren’t any suitable opponents for her to fight, she could only look for a place to drink.

“Hmph, that can only apply to you fragile humans. For me, drinking a little alcohol helps me numb the pain and sleep more comfortably.”

Pulling apart the curtains, a black-haired ravishing lady was hugging a wooden barrel and drinking directly from it. Furthermore, it was one with extremely high alcohol content made for Dwarves.

Her long black hair was as smooth as silk and her crescent eyebrows highlighted her femininity. She had a tall figure and her tight leather shirt showcased the entirety of her perfect figure. Her slender arms were white like snow and her features had a refreshing taste. Her green nails had a hint of blood colour. Just by looking from outer appearance, she felt like a lady from a family of nobles.

There was an eye-patch on her left eye and there were quite a lot of bandages on her body. Her entire body was filled with the smell of medicated wine, making her appear delicate.

But, the moment she opened her eyes, no one would treat her like a weak lady. The wildness in those eyes of a beast. No, it should be the gaze of the hunter from the top of the food chain evaluating its prey, making the weak feel like their life hung on a thread as they trembled in fear.

Why are you disappointed? Did you think that all female Red Dragon would turn into a loli dressed in red? Too naïve! You think a gigantic dragon would like to turn into a little girl? A stereotypical view from those who read too many Knight novels.

Why? Imagine in the wilderness, a little girl with strong physical abilities suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Despite the ground being full of dirt, her clothes being totally spotless? Even a fool would know that something was amiss.

Cough, back then, this female dragon had really read too many Knight novels and she intended to sneak into our adventuring team just like that to go on an epic adventure. Naturally, we had seen through her right from the start.

Just that, we had been so happy to have another strong fighter and a lucky charm, so why would we expose it? Instead, we had tried our best to pretend to be ignorant of it as we raised both of our hands to warmly welcome this Legend-rank Female Berserker and Fire Mage ‘Rookie’.

In the end, she showed her true form due to an accident but facing the rest of us who were calm and obviously looked like we knew the truth since long ago, she pressured us into telling her what was wrong with her disguise. However, that answer became the shame of her life and her greatest dark history.

“Strength requires time to build up. A Legend-rank that looks around 10 years old, after excluding several possibilities, the disguise of some other strong race became the most probable answer, and the one who could most possibly do this kind of thing should be the Dragon race.” This was how the cold-faced Margaret explained it. Back then, she was still a normal human Mage who was sharp with her tongue but soft in her heart, She had been rather worried about Little Red’s pride.

“I guess it was your Equipment and Weapons. Looking at your Spider Queen Mage Hunter’s Spider Thread Skirt, if you were to put it in the market, you should be able to earn enough to buy yourself a small city.” Considering the tender personality and gentlemanly attitude a Holy Knight should portray, I also thought that I should consider her pride at a time like this. So, I squeezed my brain juices and tried my best to find a subtle flaw in her disguise and mentioned it smiling.

“Dumbass Little Red, the first time we met, you devoured an entire week of our rations in one go, forcing us to hunt to replenish them. Did you seriously think a human could ever eat that much? Hmph, you caused us to go on a diet for that entire night.” Fine, the Thief Lisa Grant had still been harboring a grudge over her hunger that night.

“Hahaha, all of are you fools! You only realized it this late?! I knew it at first glance. Wasn’t Little Red reading a book back then? That popular Knight novel «My Dragon Princess from the Stars», and wasn’t the story about how a dragon turned into a young girl to roam the human world, and even started a romance with a human? To think you all failed to see through such an obvious flaw. Haha, to think you all always call me a fool! I think that you all were the fools instead… AHHHHH!!”

This… Un, indeed, it had been that dumb Adam. Afterwards, we had spent a long time before finding the dumb Hero who was sent several miles flying from the punch of an embarrassed and angry Little Red.

Un, from that point onwards, the cute loli Dragon Princess disappeared and replacing her was a mature-version Big Sister Dragon. But, this actually suited her personality quite a bit more. Thus, even though the Dragon Tribe could choose the age and race they changed into (The Transmogrification Spell allowed them to choose from Elf and Human, but their outer appearance would not change), she always chose this look.

As for the red dress, that one was real. Normally, when a Dragon transmogrified, they like to choose clothes that were close to their skin color. Little Red liked the colour red but the problem was…

Adam that fellow was also dressed in red. Furthermore, that fellow always went around causing trouble and was generally being an idiot. If she were to be dress in the same clothes as him, wouldn’t she be treated as his comrade? There wasn’t a single person who would want to be placed in the same category as an idiot… Back then, Little Red explained it like that, it definitely isn’t me trying to slander him.

“What are you thinking about? Come and help me cook the meat. I remember that you were the best at cooking meat back then in our team. Let me see if your skills have deteriorated since then!”

“You still remember, huh?”

Yes, the one who knew that I had been the leader of our team, on the surface, Holy Knight Rolo, was only this Ancient Red Dragon Einz Mezus.

The method and perspective how the dragons of the Golden Race looked at others was different from us mortals. In the face of the Dragon Eyes which looked into one’s soul, there wasn’t even small chance I could keep it from her from the start.

Just that, our relationship, rather than companions, it would be more accurate to describe it as accomplices… Sometimes, it was better to act ignorant over somethings rather than expose it and cause awkwardness in the relationship.

Right now, while grilling the meat, I scatter my secretly-made spices (The main ingredients were cumin and chili powder. At the same time, there were materials required for casting a smoke-related magic), but before I could even brush oil on the meat, she snatched it, bit off a mouthful and swallowed it the next moment. She seemed to enjoy eating it.

“This time, I made you suffer indignantly. I will help you get back at them.”

Little Red indeed suffered a lot this time. If it wasn’t for that one special circumstance, don’t even mention losing, she wouldn’t even be injured.

Wasn’t she just reluctant to accept her loss? What was the most troublesome part about the Dragon Tribe? Strong physical abilities, outstanding talent in magic? That’s nott it. What made them hard to deal with was their wings! They could fly!

The Dragon Tribe were the favored children of the sky. Their flying techniques were outstanding and infant dragons could already use magic to help them levitate. Grown dragons could fly as they pleased and for an Ancient Dragon like Little Red, flying was as natural as breathing. In fact, she could even break the laws of physics and truly fly as she pleased in the sky without using her wings.

The usual strategy that dragons used to deal with enemies was suddenly swiping down from the clouds and even before the enemy could react, they would let out their dragon breath and use magic to destroy their opponents. Then, before the enemy started to retaliate, they disappeared upwards and left the field.

This fighting strategy may sound shameless but it was highly difficult to deal with. If you wish to slay a dragon, please first think of a method to made the dragon land on the ground. Thus, even Supreme Empires wouldn’t casually offend the Dragon Tribe. After all, no one would wish for a fire to break out in their capital once every 2 days yet being unable to track down the culprit.

The high mobility of the Dragon Tribe was what that made them extremely difficult to deal with. 90% of those successful dragon hunts was because the dragon had been cornered in their own lair or that they had fallen into some kind of trap. For a dragon in the open, even if they were unable to defeat you, they could definitely escape and when they came back to hunt you for revenge, it would be difficult to cope with it.

This time, the reason why Little Red got injured so badly was because Adam and Margaret were behind her, causing her to be unable to dodge out of the way. Therefore, she could only stand there and get beaten up like a sandbag.

To be treated by others like a fixed punching bag, this kind of insult would naturally make the proud Little Red feel indignant and full of displeasure.

When she heard that I would help her get back at them, Little Red was stunned for a moment, before picking the wooden barrel by the side and gulping down the alcohol.

“Cough cough!!”

But as she drank in a hurry, this stupid dragon accidentally choked. I quickly helped her pat her back.

“…No thanks, I will get back at them myself. I WILL find Molly personally, so don’t interfere.”

I shook my head. Knowing her reluctance to admit defeat, I had expected her to give such a reply. However, Little Red’s individual abilities were slightly above that of the Dragon Empress Molly. Otherwise, that old granny would have long appeared to clean her household. After all, Little Red was one of the few existences that could threaten her position as the Dragon Empress.

“Let’s go and get back at them together. I’ve sustained quite a bit of loss this time as well.”

Just as I expected, when I started to talk about the trip and a plan to cause trouble, Little Red, who only feared that the world wasn’t chaotic enough and was looking for an outlet to vent her stress, agreed happily.

Only… after I finished speaking, she looked at me playfully.

“Is Lisa still doing fine?”

“…What are you talking about? Oh, Elisa? Her tongue is still as venomous as always. It’s a pity she chose to learn from Margaret. She’s becoming more and more difficult to deal with nowadays. Just 2 days ago, she caused me to be arrested and thrown into the Watch Room. Back then, it really was my mistake to pick her up.”

“Stop playing the fool, you should know that my Dragon Eyes peek into the soul. Elisa is Lisa, right? The final member of our team, the Thief then whose goal was to become a billionaire. Lisa Grant, the one that fool Adam has had a crush on for most of his life. Hehe, Elisa is just Lisa with the letter E in front which emphasizes the word behind, such a simple word game, I reckon only that fool Adam is unable to see through it.”

“…When did you see through it?”

“From the moment you brought that half-demon girl back, so since right from the start. Hmph, you aren’t any better than me! Your disguises still are full of flaws. However, you sure are impressive. I clearly remember that Lisa was dead and even her soul had returned back to the source… Wait… half-demon, don’t tell me you went to the River of the Dead to get her back…. did you?”

“…Yes. The human Lisa had already been dead. Elisa, now, lives her own life. You could say that Elisa is Lisa, but isn’t Lisa at the same time.”

Looking at the intrigued Little Red, my face bittered. Looks like it’s time to come clean about the things that had happened back then.

1. also known as nitroglycerin, explodes from tremors.
2. Knight novels sort of refers to story of a knight saving a princess etc., all these kind of nice delusions, fairy tales.