New Life : A Second Chance - Epilogue: Lance (II)

There were so many layers to Gareth that appealed to Lance at the deepest level. He was just so adorable and cute that Lance couldn’t help but tease him all the time.     

Like, how Gareth said he hated being bottom yet, at the same time, was more passionate whenever Lance took over. Didn’t mean that when Gareth was on top, it wasn’t good but …      

Their relationship had been going strong for the past few years despite the long-distance relationship. Though it really wasn’t *that* much of a distance as Gareth was only a few towns away, it still meant that they didn’t see each other every day.     

This weekend, Lance was over at Gareth’s place and he was seriously contemplating moving.     

He was tired of being apart and neither of them really brought up the subject. It was as if both of them were simply enjoying the moment without thinking about the future.     

But how long could that last?     

Lance looked upon the face of his sleeping lover, and gently brushed his hair aside. Perhaps both of them were a bit scared that it might not work out so they never quite took that last step.     

Real commitment.     

Living together, at least.     

Lance sighed and turned, looking out the window.     

It was still dark and suddenly, Lance felt the place was too stuffy. He had to go out.     

Thus, silently, Lance got off the bed and decided to go out for a jog. It was 5am, and the area was pretty safe so Lance didn’t think twice about it.     

Putting on sweatpants and a hoodie, Lance went out silently, after leaving a note on the bedside table beside Gareth.     

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As Lance jogged in the park, he felt that this was a good move.     

The cold air hitting his face, the pumping of the heart, the lovely scenery.     

All of it.     

Lance used the time to think about what he would do. Would Gareth be receptive to him moving in? He had already looked for a job here and there were several possibilities. He had sent his resume already and was just waiting whether he would be successful in obtaining a job interview.     

He sighed.     

As he ran, he saw a figure in the distance that looked kinda of familiar.     

Lance laughed to himself when the name popped up in his head.     

It couldn’t be.     

Despite how close they had been in college, they slowly drifted apart after he got a steady girlfriend. Partly because he had been busy being in love, partly because Lance had been distancing himself to avoid the pain.     

Slowly, but surely, they lost contact.     

Sometimes, Lance did wonder what happened to him but he never got the courage to find out.      

Some things were best left behind.     

Lance slowed down and decided to stop. He did a few cooling down exercises and sat down on the park bench.      

The sun would rise soon, so he should be making a move back but he found he couldn’t. Gareth wouldn’t wake up so early anyway, so there was no point in rushing back to a sleeping Gareth.     

“Lance?”      

Lance stiffened.     

“Is that you?”     

Lance gulped and his heart started beating fast.      

It had been so long and he could still have some sort of reaction to that all-too familiar voice?      

What was wrong with him?     

Did this mean that his feelings for Gareth were superficial?     

Lance felt terrible at that, thinking that he was being completely unfair to Gareth.      

Was first love so hard to forget?     

Lance turned slowly, to see an out-of-breath Mark staring at him.      

“Hi Mark,” Lance said with a tilt of his head.     

“Bloody hell,” Mark cursed, lunging at him.     

Lance didn’t avoid the punch, but he did roll a bit with it so that the force wasn’t that strong. Still, he didn’t defend himself nor fight back.     

“Why’d you disappear like that?!” Mark hollered at him, grabbing him by his shirt.      

Mark’s face was so close to his that Lance could imagine spit hitting his face.     

Lance shrugged, “I didn’t disappear.”     

“You moved, you change jobs and your phone number,” Mark hissed, “How is that not disappearing?!”     

Lance snorted and looked at him cooly, “Disappearing means one goes poof! Suddenly. Yes, I changed jobs. But I didn’t move until a month later and my number only changed a month after that.”     

Mark stilled.     

“You were so caught up with your beloved that you had your hands full,” Lance said ruefully, “I didn’t want to disturb you.”     

“You could have still called,” Mark replied, less aggressively.     

Lance grabbed Mark’s hands, intending to get him to loosen his grip when he heard, “What the hell is going on?!”     

Lance turned, to see a fuming Gareth.     

Then he looked at Mark, who was looking at Gareth in confusion. Then, at how they must appear.     

Mark was basically almost on top of him, leaning forward with his hands on his chest while Lance was holding onto his arms.      

“What?!” Mark shouted, not liking this total stranger disturbing his reunion with his best friend.     

Gareth’s eyes narrowed and he stomped over, grabbing Mark from the back of his neck and flung him off Lance.     

“You!” he growled at Lance and pointed at Mark, “Who is he?!”     

“An old friend,” Lance replied, brushing his shirt to smoothen it, “Mark, meet Gareth. Gareth, meet Mark.”     

Gareth stiffened.     

“Mark? Mark?!” Gareth hissed, “You mean THAT Mark?!”     

Lance rolled his eyes, “Yes, that Mark.”     

“Lance?” Mark called out, perplexed.      

He was confused at what he was seeing.     

Obviously, the stranger was someone Lance knew but why did it look like this guy was acting all jealous?      

“Yes, Mark?” Lance answered, looking at him.     

“Is he …?” Mark wanted to ask, but hesitated.     

“I am his boyfriend,” Gareth hissed, upset that Lance hadn’t introduced him as such to Mark. He had done so when they had bumped into his ex, but why didn’t Lance?     

This was something he had always been scared of.     

Gareth knew, from the start, that Lance had Mark in his heart.     

It was a shadow that was deep within and he had thought, after being together for so long, he had managed to push that shadow aside.     

He was too afraid to ask, however.     

Which was why he never pushed Lance to move in with him because he wanted Lance to make that move himself.      

Gareth didn’t want to pressure Lance nor push him away, so he took each day as it came. Without thought of the future.     

Now, however, he knew that he had probably just been his own wishful thinking.     

Lance was still in love with Mark.     

He was just someone to warm his bed and fill the hole, but never to replace him.     

“Boyfriend?!” screeched Mark, looking at Gareth then Lance.      

“How..? How ..” Mark stuttered, his mind unable to take this.     

He had known Lance for so long, and had been his best friend for so long … yet, he had not known that he was gay?     

Was their friendship just a joke to him then?     

“Yes, boyfriend,” Lance replied, getting up.      

Lance went to Gareth, and took Gareth’s face in his hands. He saw the anguish in them and the pain, and his heart felt the pain Gareth was showing.     

“I’m sorry,” Lance said softly, putting his forehead on Gareth’s. He gave a quick peck on Gareth’s lips and forced Gareth to look at him.     

“There’s nothing going on between Mark and me,” Lance said.     

“I know that,” Gareth hissed, “Mark’s straight. You’re the one who had been holding a torch for him all this while. Am I just a ..”     

Lance kissed him then, shutting him up.      

Gareth didn’t respond at first, as the pain was too raw. Lance didn’t give up and continued to kiss him, just the way he liked it, occasionally breaking the kiss to say repeatedly, “I’m sorry” and “I love you.”     

Tears fell down Lance’s eyes, mixing with their kiss and Gareth, feeling that, couldn’t hold back any longer.     

Wrapping his arms around Lance, he returned the kiss. He didn’t need to say it, but Lance knew from his actions that he was forgiven.     

It was only then that Lance’s erratic heart started calming down.     

It had been a harmless thing.     

Nothing had happened between him and Mark, but he had failed to reassure Gareth. Worse, he had not even made it clear to Mark who Gareth was to him.     

He had hurt Gareth so deeply, albeit unintentionally without thinking. Lance felt so bad about that. When he had seen the hurt in Gareth’s eyes, all thoughts of Mark flew out the window.     

At that moment, Lance knew, without a doubt, that he was deeply and madly in love with Gareth. Mark was nothing. Mark was the past.      

Mark, in the meantime, was just standing there, watching them with his mouth hanging open.